


Before You Were Breathing

by PicturedArtist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Guardian Angels, But to be honest, Coming of Age, Destiel - Freeform, Gen, Guardian Angel Castiel, Guardian Angels, Guardian-Ward Relationship, M/M, Protective Castiel, Romance, Slow Burn, all fluff, and hurt, basically everyone is here, death warning, prepare for hurt, pudgy babies, this will match canon to a point, tot castiel, what is a spn without major character death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 10:04:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7569940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PicturedArtist/pseuds/PicturedArtist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything is the same except angels are assigned humans to be bonded to for protection. Michael is promised to be assigned Earth's Hero but an accident in the delivery room gives that plan a run for its money. Coming of age story. Slow burn. Castiel/Dean, Gabriel/Sam</p>
            </blockquote>





	Before You Were Breathing

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, I know Supernatural came out of nowhere since I write mostly Miraculous Ladybug now...but hear me out. I was always an SPN fan and it was bound to happen. I wanted to clarify that there are a couple of angels in here that aren't in the show. I did a lot of research and cross-referencing for specific angels. A lot of the angels are based on the lore. Canon angels are mixed with lure and the show's version. This AU is also my belief on guardian angels. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea so I thought I'd throw that out there. Enjoy

Castiel didn’t care to remember the years he spent training to be a guardian but he refused to forget the day the Winchester boy was born. January, 24th, 1979 would be burned into the back of his mind.  Although Castiel couldn’t interpret the skies, Dean’s name had been written across the stars since the beginning of time. Heaven could only hold it’s breath in anticipation and didn’t let go till Dean took his first. Michael had been talking about it for eons; how important this boy was to Heaven. It was petty--akin to bragging.

They were planning to skip his guardian blessing and assign him to Michael. No one would ever argue with this decision. Having an archangel as a guardian was regarded as a gift by all the angels. They were more in control. Meaning you’d never be seriously hurt as long as your angel was always vigilant. Archangels were constantly on guard. It was a guarantee that you would have nothing past a broken heart. Assigning anything less to this important factor of the apocalypse was certain suicide for Heaven. A freshly graduated angel would get distracted. Letting a vessel break their leg was punishable by banishment. Protecting souls was a long term job that could potentially tire an angel who didn’t know how to cope.

Michael was in charge of Heaven’s soldiers when they were born. He would ride them to victory, wouldn’t baby them, nor would they get special treatment. There wasn’t room to give any special treatment. Rules were set in place.  **Rule number 3:** **_You were not allowed to interact with your charge past the younger years._ ** To completely bond to the designated human, during their childhood, angels could appear to only them and play with them. Beyond that is forbidden. Hearing their mother's call angels ‘imaginary friends’ was a keystone to their progression in their life.

It wasn’t that new angels were worse than archangels in protecting. Archangels were more experienced and specialized in honing the aspects heaven needed humans for. Michael for strength, Camael for courage, Samandiriel for imagination, and Gabriel for will. Raphael, Zachariah, and Uriel remained as hands of God--laying waste to cities and cleaning up after the other angels. Even the new generation had skills. Anna prided in molding optimists, Hester was keen on the nurturers and empaths, and Castiel, well, Castiel wasn’t sure.

“He would have been yours, if he wasn’t heaven’s pretty little soldier.” An older angel was tossing a white ball up and down, watching it hover before softly patting into his hand. His wings were golden, faded, and cloaked from the eyes of the Earth. The smile he gave Castiel was big and it was playful. Castiel visited the Winchester home repeatedly since the baby’s conception. He was the smallest of angels of his garrison and barely passed his basic exams. The decade of learning how to act around humans and how to protect them dissipated the second you pass. Memories get in the way of a mission. The knowledge remained but the images were—fleeting.

It felt right to be watching over Mary. Since he was being passed over in the selection in lieu of Michael, he’d have to wait till the rotation came back around. Watching over Mary made it feel like he was doing something important in his free time and the angels didn’t object to the learning experience. Castiel didn’t react to the older angel in which the older angel responded by tugging on his wing. To the human eye, Castiel was a child. His wings were black and pudgy. They have yet to molt into the beautiful full grown adult wings he has been told they’d be.

When flapping his tiny wing didn’t get the angel to let go, he answered. “Michael will take perfect care of Dean.” His wing was released. Despite his age, Castiel knew that he had to respect the hierarchy and that his feelings on the matter didn’t, well, matter.

“Dean?” The golden angel whispered in confusion. “When were you privileged to know his name?” Names were sacred. There was power in names. Only archangels could read the stars and the rest of Heaven was blessed with the knowledge at the birth. The Release of Names and Guardian Angel Assignment were generally held together around the birth mother. It's mostly crammed with about twenty angels. This included the graduating class of new angels and some veterans in search of a new charge. The birth of Heaven’s soldier was an important event. All archangels and a few veterans would be present for sure. Any extra room was first come first serve.

“I heard Mary whisper it. She likes the name.” Castiel tilted his head to look through the window at Mary. She caressed a loving hand on her belly while humming a lullaby. Rocking back and forth, Castiel could see her angel trying to grip tight to her shoulders. Her angel was an important one. Her hair flowed black and her skin was kissed by the sun. She was beautiful and her every move was liquid. Her name was sang by all there was and ever will be. Lailah, as everyone known her as, was singing the lullaby that Mary was humming into her ear. It was very common to get your childhood lullaby presented to you by your mother’s angel. It was the ultimate gift. “I also like the name.”

Lailah looked up from where she was positioned over Mary. She smiled kindly at Castiel before leaning back onto Mary’s neck with a song on her lips. To Heaven, she was the angel of conception and she sang to Mary’s womb periodically. Every song was meant to teach the baby how to function in the world and what lied ahead of him. Lailah, when not dispatched, could be found at the bottom of the tree of souls. This is where she would pair up sperm with pre-existing souls and kiss them down to Earth to be born nine months later. It was rare she would physically be assigned but no one was surprised.

Although Castiel watched over Dean now, he knew he would not be able to return once he was assigned a guardian. It was absolute. This didn’t stop him from curiously watching Lailah nurture him. “Will you be at the blessing, Brother?” Castiel didn’t pull his eyes away from the doting mother with her even more so doting angel. Although angels could not love, Castiel believed Lailah was the closest to understanding what the emotion felt like. She adored all of her ‘children’.

“Nah,” the angel dragged Castiel into his lap and wrapped a wing around the younger angel. His voice was certain with the connotation that he was only missing dinner at the table. “Take notes for me, will ya?”

“Gabriel.” Castiel shuffled around in the archangel’s wing. Gabriel didn’t listen to the words Castiel was saying to him, but instead messed around with his younger brother’s hair. With his fingers, he made the front of his bangs spike upwards. He liked it that way, he decided. “You know it as truth. I will not make it into the blessing.”

Gabriel was estranged from his family save for the pudgy Castiel. Gathering at a reunion was at the bottom of the fun list. Despite being distant, Gabriel still had ties to a select few. He only had to smile at Lailah through the window for a whole conversation to take place.

* * *

When the day came, the hospital room was bursting at the seams. There were angels dancing in the skies outside the large window when the area around the bed was full. Michael stood at the foot of the bed as the first angel to lay eyes on the newborn. Around the room, older angels were holding some of the graduates. This was unusual but being that it was the first important child born in centuries, the usual was overlooked.

On one side of Mary was the father, John, who gripped her hand tight. On the other side, Lailah sat on the bed offering her comfort in the form of small strokes with the back of her hand. It was said that this gesture had more power than the drug ‘morphine’.

In Lailah’s unoccupied arm sat Castiel. He watched intently on the power Lailah was giving Mary. With each stroke, Mary would lean into the touch, despite not knowing why. This was the peak of her work and should not be interrupted. Castiel didn’t know how he managed to get her to accommodate him but he knew it had something to do with the missing angel. Gabriel would love to meet Dean. Castiel decided. No one knew anything about the vessel about to be born. Castiel knew his name. Castiel felt a strong will pouring from Mary. Whether that was Mary or her child, other angels couldn’t decide on. Castiel was 100% certain it was the boy.

In the arms of the angel next to them was Anna. Anna was head of the class causing her to jump up to the top of Castiel’s garrison. When Castiel looked to her, Anna gave a big smile and mouthed “Earth’s savior is here.” Everyone was making such a commotion when the baby was passed over to Mary. Earth’s savior, soldier of heaven, and any other name that crossed the lips of the other angels was held silently by his mother. No one was watching the baby the second he was handed over. There was too much cheering. There was too much noise. No one noticed the baby wasn’t breathing.

Castiel raised his voice and tried to get the attention of his appointed guardian. They couldn’t hear him. His voice had been drowned out by victorious shouting. Michael was shaking hands of his fellow archangels and talking about his descent to Earth for the first time in centuries. Castiel turned to Lailah who was focused on calming down the mother. The pain was taking over her and she was administering doses of high painkillers. Why would no one notice?

Mary laid shaking with a still body in her arms. John was standing looking away. The mouth of the doctor was running off statistics and apologies. There would never be enough pain killing touches to kill the feeling of extreme loss. Lailah didn’t understand. She rested Castiel down on the bed and tried the best by using both of her hands. She probably assumed it was the pain of childbirth and refused to cease trying. After all, there were no prior signs of Dean being unhealthy. Castiel sat on the bed staring at Dean.

**Rule number 2:** **_Never touch an unclaimed human unless named as their protector._ **

The room went silent the second Castiel had a hand on Dean’s chest. Drawing circles over his soft untouched skin, he soothed the fluids from Dean’s lungs. He surged enough prayer to encourage the brand new lungs to cooperate. The baby cried loudly in the silence. Mary gripped him tightly, grateful that her son was breathing. The louder the baby got, the antsier Castiel became. Mimicking a great teacher, Castiel wrapped a single wing around him and brushed strokes down the side of his cheek. Dean quieted moments later.

The angels were quick to leave the room empty save Michael, Lailah, and Castiel.

“Hello Dean.” Castiel spoke cleanly like the words always belonged on his lips. He wasn’t even slightly aware of the lack of angelic presence. Castiel was bound to Dean in all the ways that angels could connect to humans. After the initial touch, Castiel was forced to his place on Dean’s shoulders. The closer the angel was to their bond, the healthier they were. Arms draped over laxly was a good sign. Dean was healthy again.

When he wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck from behind, it felt warm and addicting. It was no wonder angels strived to be guardians. It felt euphoric. Michael walked to the doctor’s side with anger burning the ground with every step. He reached over and grabbed Dean’s arm a little harder than necessary. Castiel did nothing but glare at his higher up. To bind to your human: it all starts with a touch.  If an archangel wanted to touch your charge, you let them without question. That being said, Castiel had many questions.

When nothing happened, Michael scoffed. The room shook, monitors flickered, an overhead light shattered, all with the sound of Michael’s wings as he snapped away in flight. Castiel knew that he would have to answer to Heaven for his actions but there was no way to guide Dean’s soul to another angel. It was done.

“Be strong, Castiel.” Lailah called out to him as Dean was carried away by the doctor to a room bright and full of nurses running back and forth with newborns. As they reached the threshold of the nursery, Dean opened his eyes for the first time.  _ Green. The savior has green eyes. _

“Hello Dean.” Castiel repeated the easiest phrase known to him. “My name is Castiel.” Dean looked at him, directly at him, and Castiel knew he couldn’t understand him but he continued. “I’m an angel of the lord.”

The nursery was very loud when heard on another plane of existence. Over each bassinet was an angel. They varied in sizes and ages and Castiel knew them all. Each of them was formally introducing themselves to beings who couldn’t form a single thought. Whether it was curtesy or force of habit was lost to them after the great flood. Many angels felt lost after losing their companion. No matter how hard they tried to save them, they drowned. Despite it being the word of God, many angels fell with doubt. Knowledge gone with them down to Earth.

With a sudden shortage of angels, God commanded the retired angels to get back in the game and the ones with a specific job in heaven were also thrown into the fire. Back in the day, Lailah had no reason to step down to Earth. She didn’t object. No one argued about God’s creations since the fall of Lucifer.

There was Camael, an archangel, playing peek-a-boo with a set of twins. As Michael’s brother, Camael was strongly suited for raising soldiers. While his brother was better with leading and soldiers, Camael was the angel who bestowed courage. Courage vs Strength…it was hard to tell what would win. At least one of the twins would grow up as a leader, if not both. Who he was here for was unknown to him but he acknowledged Castiel when they came into the room. Everyone did.

There was a two finger salute from Samandiriel, a smile from Hester, and a glance from Balthazar. Their introductions ceased and the room was quiet. Castiel didn’t know what to make of it. Was it out of respect for Dean or fear of being in the room with a rogue angel? Could he even be considered rouge? The aura being given off wasn’t fear. It was so thick with confusion that Castiel could taste it in the back of his throat. The angels in the nursery weren’t there to see what happened. All they knew was Michael was supposed to be walking close behind the savior and that he wasn’t. They didn’t know Castiel had imprinted on him when he reached desperately to save Dean’s life.

If they knew the truth, no one could blame him. He was born about a decade ago and put through constant training to protect, to guide, and over all save what could be lost. He did what was drilled into him. Maybe it was a bad idea to be at the birth. Castiel clung closer to Dean’s shoulders. The thought of the consequences of him not being there made him want to be sick. How long before they noticed Mary crying? How long before they tried opening up Dean’s lungs? He decided then and there he would not regret being present.

He continued, “I’ll watch over you.”

 

* * *

 

Castiel followed Dean dutifully as he stomped his first steps over to his mom. Castiel interchanged from walking behind him to walking beside him. Dean’s knees wobbled and worry rushed through every bone in Castiel’s body. Before he could instinctively reach to catch him before he could fall, Lailah interrupted his train of thought. 

 

“Let him fall, Castiel.” Lailah’s voice was soft and reverent. Like it was programmed in him, he froze in his spot and watched the toddler fall. Mary stayed put where she was with her arms open. Her face didn’t falter as words of encouragement flowed freely and watching Dean return to his wobbling filled Mary’s eyes of pride. Castiel tilted his head to inspect the emotion on Mary’s face. It was identical to the looks Lailah gave Mary after Dean’s birth. Unconditional pride mixed with happiness. 

 

Castiel didn’t need to ask why he had to let Dean fall. Even the young angel could interpret the bond between the two humans was growing and flourishing. Lailah lazily rubbed Mary’s back with her eyes drooping to the ground. The bags under her eyes were prominent. “Sister…”

 

Lailah snapped back to her perkiness and gave him a genuine smile. “Yes, Lil Bird?” Castiel hated the nickname but since it was her, he let it slide. He didn’t continue his thought. He knew she wouldn’t give a straight answer or would avoid it all together. Lailah wasn’t sick but something was definitely affecting her. She should be elated with Dean’s progression. It took him twelve months but Dean was finally on his feet. Lailah held her arms out like Mary had for Dean. Castiel sat in her lap and watched Mary plant kisses on top of Dean’s head. 

 

He could feel it in the air. Dean was happy. He felt like he deserved the praise and relished in it. Castiel hoped Dean never had to know what it felt like to be without this feeling. It was similar to the feeling Dean felt when Mary heard him babble vowels a few months back. He hadn’t made a word yet but he’d been babbling for a while now. Lailah wrapped her arms around Castiel’s small form but it was nothing compared to his brother’s hugs. Wings were softer. 

 

Mary lifted Dean into the air and carried him to his bedroom. The two angels followed in tow. It was Mary’s ritual. After a big win she would let Dean relax and not have to worry about things he could not yet accomplish. If he was to fall after that, it would digress from the time he made it. She wanted him to relish his victory just a little longer. 

 

It took Mary a moment but she got the wriggling worm to lay under the covers. Dean cooed to his mother in syllables that made no sense. Lailah glanced at the bottom of the crib to where Castiel was gazing through the bars at the baby he spent the past 12 months with. Castiel never climbed into the crib to join Dean like other guardians would have. Every night, Castiel would offer his hand through two bars and would watch Dean grasp and release his fingers. If he was asked what he was doing, Castiel had a simple answer in mind. ‘Fine motor skills’...but no one asked.

 

“Would you like some help, Lil Bird?” Lailah knew the answer already but Castiel confirmed it when he shook his head. Lailah rested her chin on Mary’s shoulder. Lailah had grown more distant from Mary in the past few months and Castiel couldn’t get Lailah to admit to something being wrong. Lailah could walk around--even across the house if she wanted--like she wasn’t bound to Mary at all. She would always respond with some consoling words and would change the subject. Lailah pressed her lips to Mary’s ear with a smile drawn across her face. Castiel rarely saw her speak or even sing to Mary anymore but touches were frequent. 

 

“Oh Dean.” Mary whispered before leaning into the crib to press a kiss to Dean’s head. “Angels are watching over us. So get some rest.” Her words were the same night after night. The first time that phrase passed through her mouth, Castiel had questions. ‘Faith’ was all Lailah had to say in response to each one. Mary had faith and that was enough for Mary. It was enough for Dean.

 

“Goodnight, Dean.” Mary and Lailah spoke at the same time. “Goodnight, my Lil Bird.”

 

Lailah guided the mother out of the room and waved goodnight to Castiel. Dean squeezed Castiel’s fingers which brought him back over to the sleepy baby. His grip was growing stronger.

* * *

 

It was a pretty, chill, September day when Mary approached Dean. Castiel was sitting across from him keeping Dean company. The toddler was babbling about himself. His favorite color was blue. His mom tucked him at night. His favorite dessert was ice cream. His sentences weren’t completely put together but there were contex clues that helped Castiel put together what Dean meant. He liked ‘Cas’. Castiel smiled. He assumed that to be himself. 

 

“Who are you talking to, Dean?” Mary humored the idea that anyone was there. Castiel was careful and followed the rules are close as possible. He appeared only to Dean.

 

“Cas!” Dean laughed. 

 

“Well I hope your friend knows how to share.”The smile tugging at Mary’s lips was strong enough to excite the child without question. Dean was in a sweet spot between three and four when he got the biggest news to a child. A brother! 

 

Castiel felt Dean feel what he felt the first time he met Mary. He felt, Castiel concentrated to pinpoint the right words, important. Definitely excited and maybe a little intrigued. Never worried. Never scared. His feelings were darting all over the place but never landed on anything short of warm. It ended with the strongest one.

 

Castiel couldn’t place the feeling. 

 

His mother took them out for ice cream later that evening. John, his father, hoisted the boy onto his shoulders and carefully balanced him there. Dean did everything in his power to hold on to his father by the hair. The blood stopped circulating to his fingertips causing them to turn stark white. 

 

“Chill out Kiddo.” John picked up on his child’s fear. 

 

_ “Dean,”  _ Castiel voiced promentally. When he spoke, it caught Dean’s attention. The world shook then stood still for a moment and Castiel knew he could hear him.  _ “I’ve got you.” _

 

Castiel timed his affirmation with his father’s voice.  **_“I won’t let you fall.”_ ** Dean loosened his grip but there wasn’t any way he was gonna put all his faith in his father. Dean was a chatterbox at this point. His mother gave him a vanilla cone wrapped in a napkin in which he immediately dripped onto his father. Angels never had to feel the pains of hunger or the tiredness of a long day. In those moments, when Dean was his happiest, Castiel wondered what they felt like. What did vanilla taste like.

 

John’s angel was Inias, a very familiar face, who seemed the least bit interested in working. He sat in the air behind John--facing the other way. His back was resting on John’s but in every other way he was acting like his bond mattered. Inias had been in his garrison long before Castiel came along so he didn’t feel it was right to tell him how to protect John. 

 

When John put Dean down, so he could run to his mother for cleanup, Inias took his place back on John’s shoulders. Arms wrapped tight, he was almost choking the man. There were no malicious intentions so his charge was unharmed but their bond told the well known story. John would die many years from now. He was at his peak of health. 

 

Angels weren’t bound by the same rules as humans were when it came to what they could and could not do. Wrapping arms around their charge’s shoulders was a compulsion that most angels gave into instinctually. Sitting on their shoulders was a lazy day with not much ahead of them. They could do this at any time. They didn’t have to fret about obstacles. It wasn’t uncommon to see an angel move around to accommodate a wall or a person(or in this case: a child) just on principle. It felt weird being split. He could sit on the same shoulders as Dean was at the same time. He didn’t have to move. They don’t live on the same plane as solid objects.

 

It was only when an angel was left free standing that anyone had to worry. Rather--angels could walk around freely if it was for protection. It was when angels could no longer return to their place on their human’s shoulders. Shoulders was a prime spot to see intent. 

 

Some fought separation. Lailah would lay on Mary’s back but couldn’t get around her shoulders. Then she couldn’t even lean on her. Lailah said she was just tired and would be extra careful about how she walked off. Castiel knew differently. Lailah was distressed. 

 

“Sister.” Castiel began speaking. Deciding to kill two birds with one stone, Castiel asked a question that was bothering him at the same time he was distracting the distraught angel. “Why am I not tied to Dean?”

 

“My Lil Bird, you are!” Lailah became defensive. Her voice was stern and certain but that didn’t sway Castiel’s concerns. He always walked around Dean since the nursery. He stopped riding his shoulders the second he touched the bassinet. He knew it felt good, he knew it felt addictive, and he knew it was what he was supposed to do. Castiel could fly away at any moment and leave Dean and there would not be a tearing in his grace. There would be nothing forcefully pulling him back. 

 

He was very fond of Dean. He was close to him before he was even breathing. There was real reason to worry as to why he wasn’t behaving like the other angels. Castiel took on the form of a five year old when Dean was three. It was one of the perks to being a new guardian. You got to grow alongside your first charge. Once Castiel reached his mid-thirties, his growth would cease. If he continued to grow, it would put his bond at risk. He needed to be sharp. Vigilant. 

 

“Castiel.” Lailah rose her voice to capture Castiel’s wandering mind. He snapped back up with his back straight in a moment of weakness. He relaxed when he remembered he was around a friend instead of a commanding officer. The warm feeling of comfort rolled through him. It made him wonder. Was Lailah only in charge of the birth of humans? “Do you watch over Dean.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Do you make sure he doesn’t have nightmares?” Castiel flinched. It was his secret. Angels were supposed to let humans have fears and live through them.  **Rule number 5:** **_If it doesn’t physically hurt your human, let them live through it._ **

 

“I don--” he began to lie.  **Rule number 3:** **_Never lie to your superiors._ **

 

“It's not a secret Little Bird.” Lailah stopped him. The tension fell and Castiel relaxed again. He didn’t speak, knowing Lailah had to have a reason as to how she knew.“Mary never has to wake in the middle of the night.” There we go. You can’t deceive the angel of a worried mother. “Are you his guardian angel?”

 

“Well I--”

 

“Do you care for Dean?” Castiel wasn’t catching a break from her. He was grateful for her bluntness and faith in him.

 

“Yes.” He affirmed. Yes. He did care for Dean. Dean wasn’t a project. Dean wasn’t a mission. It wasn’t a failing grade. It was all consuming. It was lessons learned. It was intrigue. It was Dean.

 

“What you have with Dean is not to be thought differently of. A profound bond doesn’t exactly follow the rules.” He liked that. A profound bond. Castiel carves that next to the date of Dean’s birth.

 

Castiel smiled. He forgets his limitations when Dean smiles up at him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this! I will be continuing this but it will take some time. I will be a part of G.I.S.H.W.H.E.S. this year and that's going to be all consuming. I even took work off for it!


End file.
